January 21st, 2006

Subject: sucks Time: 04:29 pm Current Mood: sad

Looking back on things it really sucks how much we all take the smalles things for granet. Lately...actualy...for a few months now Ive been thinking about how much...just little stupid things that I really didnt appretiate before I miss so much now and how Id do anything to have some of those things back. I think it's been this past week or so thats been the real slap in my face where Ive really had to take a step back and look over evrything....and all the i told you so's and i'm rights dont even begin to add up and begin to total just how wrong i was about so much. It really does suck what we take for granted on a day to day basis. You were right.....wow....it's been a real long time since I updated in here....I guess though this is nice to have when I just need to vent and clear my head. I'll probably write more later...soon....but I have to be on my way now

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November 19th, 2005

Subject: its funny Time: 10:07 pm Current Mood: amused

Its funny how things work themselves out...or turn out. Its just weird how so much can change in such a small amount of time.

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September 30th, 2005

Current Music: I should be your girl - Mariah Carrey Subject: ..... Time: 09:54 am Current Mood: hopeful

San Diego is so awesome! Yesterday I got to go to the cliffs in OB and watch a beautiful sunrise and not only that got to see dolphins swimming...it was so cool! Im suppose to go get my car today...it should be interesting...I just hope everything works out for the best. So kinda random thought here but last night I decide I want del taco...so I go out to my car and as Im walking up I see this HUGE black ball like thing the size of like a nickel right by my door handle and at first I just thought it was dirt...but right before I go to grab my handle I see it move....it was a GIANT black widow....needless to say I FAREAKED! so yeah I was climbing in and out of my passenger side door last night. I know Im a dork. Im so excited to go to the baseball play off games...YAY its going to be fun! Well I need to finish getting ready to go down to the car place....and then tonight...dancing allll night in TJ wahooo!! Today could very well be one of my best days ever if everything all works out...hopefully it will...wish me luck! Hopefully Ill have some good stuff to write about tonight....Im a little nervous and scared...but hey ya only live once right?

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September 29th, 2005

Current Music: gasolina Subject: baseball, aqua teen, hookah, alcohol, and beer bongs...oh my! Time: 02:02 am Current Mood: contemplative

WAHOO PADRES ARE GOING TO THE PLAY OFFS...WHICH MEANS IM GOING TOO!! WAHOOO!!! So I had an interesting night...it started off with finding out padres made the playoffs so im excited because im going to go to one of the games! YAY! So I went out with my neighbor to one of his friends house and it was an interesting night...it resulted in us with a hookah and some alcohol...and some how i ended up watching aqua teen hunger force....dont know what happened...wasnt in a right state of mind. I got talked into doing a beer bong...once again...just doesnt work for me...i cant do it...oh well, at least i tried. I have to be up in a few hours to go to work...not looking forward to it...but i only work 4 hours today and im getting payed to sit at a table and have people fill out applications...so i guess it could be worse...I was thinking about it today...Ive met some really cool people out here. Moving out here has seriously been one of the best things i could have done! Its also crazy how many people though live out here in SD and are from the desert...weird how small of a world it is. Ive just been having sooooo much fun out here its unbelievable! And im going to have more fun this friday night....hitting another club....and to a certain person...I am not a club whore! dont hate! anyway...it should be a fun night...and hopefully ill figure out my current dilema...well i wouldnt really call it a delima.....but....the curiosity is killing me and im just confused...having fun...but frustrated and confused at the same time...never knew that was possible....anyway...i need sleeeeep....good night...or good morning.

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September 28th, 2005

Current Music: Best Ever dashboard confessional Subject: go padres! Time: 09:09 am Current Mood: bouncy

So i really never expected to be all into baseball, but since I moved out here Ive started to get into it some more. Last night I went out to watch the padres vs. the giants and I had soooo much fun! I am now hoping the padres will make the playoffs so i can go watch that because that would kick ass! anyway....nothing too new or exciting been going on, just having a blast really! Been going to different clubs meeting new friends and dancing the night away....who knew...me dance?? I know its shocking...but its so much fun...not to mention gives my legs a big work out! You try dancing in heals for a few hours!! With as much fun as Ive been having I still have managed to get myself into another awkward situation.....how do I always manage these things??? I swear I dont go looking for trouble...yet trouble seems to find me....I mean I guess I wouldnt say its a bad situation Im in...just a confusing one...so....I have much to figure out... OH!!! I get my new car this friday!!! WAHOOOOOOO!!!! Im going to be poor but Im going to have my new car! YAY! Ok...so I need to finish getting ready for work! Hopefully Ill have more to write after this weekend!

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September 10th, 2005

Subject: time for an update..... Time: 08:27 pm Current Mood: chipper

So Ive been thinking im pretty overdue for an update...and since im not doing anything right now i thought hell why not! So Ive been enjoying the 21 life out here in san diego very very much. The past 2 weeks especialy.....ive been going out every night and just having fun. San Diego is great! I honestly couldnt imagine being anywhere else...and I really wouldnt want to be anywhere else!Ive started making a lot of friends...Ive been hanging out with a few girls from work and then my neighbor who is actualy from the desert too....small world how we met. So Ive had my down town experience...sooo much fun...but lots of crazy people out there....If you stick to the gaslamp district its cool....everyone is very friendly...mainly because everyone is so drunk but hey. I also went to my first club and yes I actualy danced! I was a little unsure about the whole thing at first...but after 2 kamakazis, a mai tai, and 2 sex on the beaches.....i was feeling quite nice and dancing my ass off! I dont remember having so much fun! My legs were killing me for the next 2 days but it was all worth it! On tuesday I went to my first padre baseball game....I didnt think id have that much fun but i did start to get into it. PETCO park is amazing...very fun place! I was suppose to go to the other game thursday night...but by the time i got home from work and by the time me and my neighbor got to downtown it was already like over an hour into the game...so we decided to just get some food and fgure something else out. We headed over to mission beach where i was told this one place had the best pizza....omg.....it really was the best pizza! They do it by the slice...and one slice is HUGE!!!! So we got it to go and walked down to the beach and sat on the beach and ate out pizza....and we had brought 2 cokes and an empty waterbottle filled with spiced rum for us to drink.....well...i didnt know you couldnt have alcohol out on the beach...and when me and my neighbor who btw was pretty drunk and not 21 walked up from the beach there just happened to be a cop car with 2 cops.....and to sum it all up i ended up getting a ticket for having the alcohol out on the beach...i was lucky enough though they didnt say anything to my neighbor because then i would have gotten in even more trouble for supplying alcohol to underaged drinkers! So i got my first ticket...luckily it wil only be like 75$ and wont go on my record. Interesting night. Ive been in some interesting situations this past 2 weeks or so now....i mean im having fun and all...but just some situations...i guess have just been weird and unexpected. well theres more that i could write but im not right now...ive written enough i think for today....ill save the rest for another entry.

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August 17th, 2005

Current Music: THE BIRTHDAY SONG! Subject: its my birthday! Time: 12:10 am Current Mood: excited

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! I'M FINALY 21!!!! YAY!!!! IM SO EXCITED! SO IVE ALREADY HAD MY FIRST 2 BIRTHDAY PHONE CALLS AND I HAVE TO SAY THE 2 PEOPLE WHO WERE THE FIRST TO CALL ME WERE PROBABLY THE LAST 2 PEOPLE I EXPECTED TO HEAR FROM...WELL CLOSE TO THE LAST ANYWAY....CRRRRRAZY!!! IM NOT DOING ANYTHING TO EXCITING BUT IM SURE ILL HAVE A FUN STORY OR TWO TO SHARE LATER. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEE....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

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August 8th, 2005

Current Music: best ever, dashboard confessional Subject: torn Time: 11:19 pm Current Mood: sad

I just had one of the best and worst days of my life. how can you have one of the best and worst days in one...not even a full day....5 hours actualy.....5 hours made my day the best and worst sometimes i wish i could just freeze time or stop it all together.....i'm dreading sunday....i've known this day would come but...it just came too fast for me. ever known someone where you dont know whether you want to slap them or kiss them? How is it you can both hate someone and love them at the same time? how can one person make you smile so big and at the same time make you cry harder then ever? How is it possible to feel both extremes of something?

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August 2nd, 2005

Subject: so much to say..... Time: 02:10 am Current Mood: blank

Theres so much I have to say and yet I cant quite find the words to say the things I feel. I could probably get my point across but I honestly dont know if what I have to say would end up causing more harm then anything....and really dont know if there would be any point to saying them because of the outcome...I have to be up in like 5 hours to get ready for work and Ive had a long day so my brain isnt toooooo functionable at the moment....so I really dont know of any of this makes any sense, but then again i dont think anyone really reads this so....guess it doesnt matter. I fund it funny how things get twisted around and how information gets passed on and distorted so much that it doesnt even resemble the truth anymore....I want to correct misunderstandings but find myself wondering if theres any point, and if I should just keep my mouth shut and leave well alone and not risk causing more frustration and unhappiness and confusion and all sorts of other crap. Ive been thinking a lot since Ive moved out here to san diego. part of me still really cant believe i actualy am here and did it. im happy out here, and feel like this works for me...yes it has been quite lonely not having the convenience of calling up my friends and seeing them minutes later, but slowly i am making new friends. but anyway....i was thinking about how so much has changed in my life...how much I have changed....and how i dont think i am the same person i was like 4 months ago. i am happy though...as happy as i can be anyway...i love my job and the people i work with...and i love san diego....i just...i dont know...i dont regret anything in my life...i dont believe in regret...theres just some...i dont know...is there really any point in saying something that will just cause more harm then good? even if its things you think people should know....looking back nothing i have just said makes any sense at all....so...i guess im just going to stop with my rambles and try to get a few good hours of sleep so I can actualy function at work in the morning.

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July 27th, 2005

Subject: taking chances Time: 06:57 pm Current Mood: confused

although i have been much better at trying new things lately and really putting myself out there more than usual....theres some things i dont know if i can quite do. you know how they say if you really want something bad enough you'll get it...or well something along those lines....well what happens if you do get it and it doesnt turn out right or for the best? what if in the end it just causes more problems then before? is it really worth taking the chance of going for what you want to possibly have something good? is the possibility of the risk and loss of other things worth it i guess. i dont know if any of this makes any sense. i thought that if i could type out my thoughts it would help me but so far it hasnt and i find myself still confused.

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July 26th, 2005

Subject: hookah! Time: 02:19 am Current Mood: happy

So I had a very busy day today. So i missed my friends sooo much I decided to drive down to the desert sunday night when i was off at work. So i pulled into the desert around 1030 and right away met up with a bunch of old friends which was cool. then i woke up early monday morning and met up with some other friends, I was actualy able to see evryone I wanted to see...except one person....but...I did get to talk to him and I get to see him for my birthday! Best gift ever....sucks he leaves though 5 days later for 7 motnhs...and after that...who knows what will happen. But anyway, over all I managed to fit everything i wanted to do in a day. So I left the desert around 9 and made it back here to SD around 11 and one of my old friends that I knew from way back when called and said he was in town, so I met up with him and got to meet some of his friends and they took me to my first hookah experience. It was pretty cool. I had a lot of fun actualy. The place was right in Pacific Beach and apparently its even more fun on the weekends. This was a monday night and it was still packed. Best part too I now have made some friends to go out with now! It was so weird being back in the desert. I am so glad Im not there anymore. I cant quite explain it...it just felt weird going back. Anyway...23 more days until my birthday! I cant wait! I'm really looking forward to my vegas trip in september which should be interesting....going with an interesting group of people....but at least i know there wont be a dull moment. Well I should probably get to bed being that I have to be up in 4 hours to go to work...sucks!

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July 22nd, 2005

Subject: thoughts Time: 11:03 pm Current Mood: contemplative

so living out here in san diego i must say has been rather nice.I really can't complain, and I have to say I am pretty happy out here. One downside is that its been way hot and humid the past few days. I know I know...I'm at the beach not in the desert...how hot can it really be...well when you have no air conditioner in your house....yeah it's not fun! but anyway... other then me getting occasionaly lost from time to time I feel like I've kinda lived here for way way longer then I actualy have. I still feel like I can just call up my friends and say hey lets go out....granted I can...only it would take 3 hours to meet up with them. I still havent really met anyone out here to go out with and when my friends arent around I must say it's pretty lonely and boring. Because of this it gives me way too much time to think about things that have happened and all the what if's and what could be's. So much has changed in the past few months for me...and they havent been small changes either. I have found myself patheticaly wishing for someone to call me knowing they wont. knowing i'll probably never see or hear from this person ever, and how i wish...well i wish all to much. It's crazy how much one person can impact your life...well how much a few people have impacted my life...especialy lately... and how I havent really realised it until now. I still cant say I regret anything...because i've learned something....but i cant say these lessons havent been hard to learn.

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July 6th, 2005

Subject: shakespeare Time: 10:18 pm Current Mood: accomplished

CXVI. Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come: Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved. CXLI. In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes, For they in thee a thousand errors note; But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise, Who in despite of view is pleased to dote; Nor are mine ears with thy tongue's tune delighted, Nor tender feeling, to base touches prone, Nor taste, nor smell, desire to be invited To any sensual feast with thee alone: But my five wits nor my five senses can Dissuade one foolish heart from serving thee, Who leaves unsway'd the likeness of a man, Thy proud hearts slave and vassal wretch to be: Only my plague thus far I count my gain, That she that makes me sin awards me pain. while unpacking the last of my things i stumbled across my book of sonnets....i forgot home much i liked these two imparticular.

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July 5th, 2005

Current Music: wish you were here - Incubus Subject: too much time! Time: 01:21 pm Current Mood: bored

So I have today and tomorrow off from work....I was sooooo excited until I realised I have nothing to do. I mean yeah theres plenty to do in san diego right? Well when you have nobody to go out with and no money it makes it pretty damn hard to do anything. So now what was suppose to be an enjoyable two days off for me isnt so enjoyable. I'm now finding I have too much spare time when I'm not working! It's times like these which makes me a little home sick. Not for the desert....just for my friends and the convenience of being able to just call them up and get together and go hang out...not to mention the comfort of knowing someone is there. I mean I know my friends are there and Ive been talking to them a lot still, but it's still hard. I just need to find some friends out here! I've been invited to go out with some of the associates I work with but because Im their manager I can't! I've been trying to get my room together and organized but I can only do that for so long! Well I guess I'm going to try and finish working on my room to make in more enjoyable being thats where Im going to be spending the majority of my time!

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July 4th, 2005

Current Music: It's like that - Mariah Carrey Subject: San Diego Life Time: 09:46 am Current Mood: good

So I have to say life out here in San Diego is going pretty darn good! I've got a nice place to live, beautiful weather, great job with cool people to work with not too mention kick ass benefits, and I'm right by everything!.....all I need are some people to go out with! I know I'll meet people out here so Im not too worried. I cant wait until tomorrow I have 2 days off in a row to hit the beach! I still haven't completely finished unpacking...it's so weird though as I'm unpacking I keep finding things that I brought with me that I'm just kinda like I totally forgot I had this, or why did I bring this?? I'm such a sentimental pack rat I swear. I can't wait thought until I have some money saved up so I can really get my room all pretty. It's so cool at my job I get an extra 300$ each month as a cash bonus...and thats just a minimum because we're in the top 10 in the company! Then I also get a 150$ gift card to use with my 40% discount on clothes or whatever in the store I want! AND....theres more.....AND I get 3 tops and 2 bottoms for FREE each month...all this because my store is in the top 10 in the company! My job like pays for all my clothes! So cool! Well I need to finish getting ready for work...I have a busy day ahead of me.

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June 30th, 2005

Subject: Having fun in the sun! Time: 09:03 pm Current Mood: happy

So I'm finally out here in San Diego. I've already started my new job too. It's not as an upbeat environment as I would like it to be, but everyone is very nice. My room is starting to come together very nicely as well. I got new furniture...I'm so excited. I was a little nervous coming out here but everything is starting to fall in place for me. This past month pr so I have met some amazing people and made some great new friends, moved out of the desert and started a whole new life out here in san diego. It's amazing how much things can change in such a short period of time. Well my very first visitor just arrived so I need to get going until my next entry.

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June 19th, 2005

Current Music: mr brightside, The Killers Subject: 1 more week! Time: 03:27 pm Current Mood: excited

I only have one week left in this place!!!! I'm finally getting out of the desert! It has gone by soooo fast. I guess time really does fly when youre having fun! I'm feeling a little better about moving out there...not as scared. I still really haven't even started to pack my crap up!!! I get to go furniture shopping this week too! Well I'm done with work now, so I should probably use the free time I have to start packing....maybe in a few more hours.

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June 12th, 2005

Current Music: Hands Down, dashboard confessional Subject: damn its been a while! Time: 08:55 pm Current Mood: happy

I totally forgot about this thing! I havent written in a long ass time either. Well a lot has changed since my last entry. I'm getting ready to start my new life out in san diego. I only have 13 days left in the hell hole. It's weird though, I have literally waited my entire life to leave this place, and now.....I mean I still want to leave but I never realised just how freaked out I would get. I am going to be living with my sister...which scares me being we dont have the greatest relationship. But hey I figure if I can live with my mom....i can pretty much live with anyone. I start my new job working as a manager for guess on the 27th. The store is gigantic, and it freaks me out to have to start all over again at a new job knowing nothing or anybody and going in as a manager. It's a crazy busy store too....I guess I just have to keep reminding myself if they didn't think i could handle it they wouldnt have hired me. I think what scares me the most though is going out there alone. I use to think of myself as pretty independent, but I'm starting to think differently now. I am not going to have any friends out there...I will have my sister...but like i said...not the greatest relationship. In the past few months I have made some great friends, and in the past few weeks I have been having nothing but fun and going out and just having a blast. I know my friends will come visit ( they better )but its going to be so weird not to mention hard moving out there and having nobody to go out with. Those are all my fears, I'm also extremly excited. I'm finally getting out of here!!!!!!!!!! Not to mention it's san diego!!! I've got everything near me! And I can't wait until I trun 21 out there....only a few more months!...I just have to find some friends out there to go out with now! It amazes me how much your life can change in such a short amount of time. These past few weeks have been some of the best times of my life! I have done some things I never thought I would do....and as small as they may seem to anyone who is reading this, they are all pretty big for me. For example I went camping! REAL CAMPING like in a tent and everything! I froze my ass off but I had so much fun! I think the biggest thing though is I did something I have never done in front of anyone...I sang in front of someone! I sing only by myself, but I think I am finally letting go a bit and not caring so much what people say or think about me just as long as im having fun, and boy am I ever! Well this entry has gotten long enough....and that's on a small itsy bitsy tiny summary of whats been happening. I dont know if anyone reads this, but I have a myspace account now, so if anyone who reads this wants to, you can look me up on myspace with my e-mail scgirl817@yahoo.com Well that's all for now.

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January 14th, 2005

Subject: ??????? Time: 12:10 am Current Mood: confused

So I'm a bit confused with a new strange rather odd and actualy a bit disturbing trend through my work. Teenage boys are buying womens pants for themselves. Guys are wanting tighter looking jeans, and not all of them are gay. I dont understand this. The other day I had a 13/14 year old come up to me and tell me after I helped him find womens jeans for himself that i have the perfect body and the proceeded to ask me out on a date....first off the 6-7 year age difference....yeah not working, secondly, i would NEVER date any guy i could share my clothes with. I couldnt believe this kid had the balls after i told him my age to still continue in trying to pick up on me. I dont understand todays youth.

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January 12th, 2005

Subject: blah Time: 11:48 pm Current Mood: cold

so i was badgered to update my journal however i dont really have all that much to say. surprizingly ive been working quite a bit at my new job which actualy i dont quite mind all that much. The people there that ive met are all very nice to me.....well so far anyway....its just nobody really does much there. But hey i dont have to worry about that stuff anymore....im just a naive little sales associate come in do my job and go home.....it just still bothers me though when i see certain things done there which i know could be done better, or different....but oh well. So school starts in like 20 days or so....I'm actualy kinda looking foward to it. I know Im weird. Anyway, I had a near death experience yesterday. Stupid Fred Waring was closed because of all the rain so I had to be redirected through el dorado. So it was really windy yesterday and i was at a stop light on the phone when all of a sudden a HUGE tree branch falls right in front of my car...barely missing it.....I saw my entire life flash before my eyes....not really....but still it freaked me out. Anyway.....Im tired and freezing my butt of right now because its freezing in my house right now....plus i dont really have anymore to say, so im gonna go. good night.

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